About Me – Between The Copy

I thought it would be cool to show you some stuff I write after work.
I think you’ll like it – I mean – my dad likes it.
Okay that didn’t sound so great.
Let’s start over.
Can we start over?
I think we can start over.
Yes, a fresh start is what we’ll have now.

Poignant Points
Procrastination
I should make a procrastination helpline. It’s a fail proof business model — the more people call — the more they’ll have to call.

Stalking
Its really just talking with an S… just sayin’.

American Television
Why are people scared by nudity, but not by violence? For instance, a mother will let her kid watch shows with guns going off, blood dripping everywhere; but, if a boob (gasp!) pops out on the screen that same mother will jump up like Michael Jordan and cover her son’s eyes…. “Noooo!” (all in slo-mo of course)

It’s not logical. Have you ever turned on the news to hear the anchor say:

“Tonight, on Martin Luther King Blvd. another drive by boobing.”

Nudity has never killed ANYONE.

Remember all that foolishness with Janet Jackson in the Super Bowl a few years back? Here is a game where grown men knock each other over to get a ball. So she decides to show everyone a ball worth fighting for and everyone goes apeshite! “Call your senator, say a prayer for mankind, the tit-pocalypse has arrived!”

Could everyone unbunch their pantaloons right about now?

Living In The Hood
Living in a dangerous neighborhood has really helped boost my self-esteem. I mean, half of my neighbors have been featured on “America’s Most Wanted” and I’ve lived here for 2 years and still haven’t pissed them off. I must have some really nice interpersonal skills.

Stubborn?
Everyone thinks I’m stubborn.
But everyone is just wrong.

22 Virgins
I’ve always wondered why Muslim extremists would want 22 virgins to await them in heaven.
Have these men dealt with virgins before? I mean, one virgin is a head case, but 22? That can’t be fun. Those virgins won’t know what to do and it’ll be awkward.

Awkwardness doesn’t belong in heaven.

Plus, you know those virgins will get all emotional and cry all the time. Isn’t crying in heaven a bit of an oxymoron?

Finally, those virgins are going to sit around heaven and gossip. It’s gonna be all “Achmed loves me best….” And all that drama can’t be good for god.

Lets be clear - virgins would ruin heaven.

Your Ring Tone
What is it with these cell phone ring tones?
I don’t want to listen to your music!
I mean if I liked Brittany Spears I would go and buy it myself. But all because you take such a long time to answer your phone, I should have to listen to the musak version of “Baby Hit Me One More Time?”

Keep taking that long to answer your phone– I just might.